Sunday, May 9, 2010

What should I do about the parenting situation that my wife and I are dealing with?

My wife and I love our kids but we cant seem to agree on anything that has to do with our parenting methods. When she says no I say yes, when I so no she says yes. My biggest fear is raising two spoiled boys and I am afraid that my wife is spoiling them to death, and I dont mean spoil them with love, I mean give in to their every whim. I see how spoiled and unapreciative so many children are today and I just want my boys to treat people with love and respect and to appreciate things that they recieve in life. I dont even think that my wife realizes it and I know that she is creating a monster. Am I over reatcting and what should I doWhat should I do about the parenting situation that my wife and I are dealing with?
This could cause a big problem for not only you and your wife but your children also. You and your wife need to sit down agree on some rules and COMPROMISE. Also before giving children answers when they ask to do something make it known to them that you will discuss it with the other parent first, this will help when they try to play one against another.


Good Luck!What should I do about the parenting situation that my wife and I are dealing with?
you are right
You and your wife should sit down and quietly discuss what you expect from your children.If you show a divided front in front of your children you will never be able to parent effectively. Children know when their parents disagree on an issue and will try to play one against the other. You have to support each other's decisions as parents .Children want and need boundaries. They need to know what is expected of them and that actions have consequences.No one said parenting is easy, just don't try to make it more complicated than it is.Remember united we stand, divided we fall.Good luck!
tell her that women dont like mamas boys so if she wants them to have good relationships in the future then let you start teaching your boys how to be a man! that is your job and dont let her ruin that! she cannot teach your boys that but you can!
no i don't think you are overacting at all - just the opposite - i think that between you there is trouble ahead.





first off - whatever each of you may THINK don't disagree in front of the boys - present a united front to them at all times.





second more communication between you to establish ground rules of the house





thirdly stick to it - be consistent so that they children know that a 'no' from one doesn't mean that they can then go to the other for a 'yes'and play one off against the other.





they may not get all they may want when they want it - but their NEEDS longer term are far more important.





quit trying to be their 'friend' - they will make plenty of those at school - be a parent and set the boundaries before they get too old to get acquainted to that without ruining a relationship they could have with you.





Spoilt children rarely have respect for the parents who have over indulged them as you have rightly observed (less really IS more) - so now is the time to bring in house rules and ENFORCE them.





good luck
You have a legitimate concern and it is refreshing to see a father who notices. Print out what you just wrote and give it to your wife. Some times it is easier to express ourselves through the written word, then verbally. Verbally, things tend to get taken the wrong way and all parties get defensive. Explain that one day your children will be adults and in order for them to thrive successfully- they need to understand that they have to earn their keep in this world. That they won't be babies forever and with the type of world we live in - we have to prepare our kids for everything. Turn your television to that show on MTV called ';My Super Sweet Sixteen'; and if that doesn't change her mind, nothing will. If your wife doesn't change, then you make sure that you do the instilling. Trust me, your wife won't let them run over her or other people. You're on the right track.
You seem to need a mediator. She doesnt just ignore what you say she doesnt care. She feels as though she is the only parent. Are you absent? Does she have the children the majority of the time? You cant control the behavior of your wife but you can spend more time with the kids alone and parent them the way you want. I also think you have to seek family counseling to get a third party to mediate.
You and your wife need to set up a rewards system for your children. One you both agree on. then you will teach them to work for what they receive. Plus remind her spoiled kids get beat up a lot more than kids who aren't
You need to present a united front to the kids. When parents disagree the kids know it and they get the upper hand. They also don't respect you cause you can't stand your ground. First sit down with your wife and decide on some rules.Check with each other before making a decision about the kids.When your kids ask you if they can do something, check with the other spouse to see what they said. Respect each others decisions if she says no then its no. You can discuss the reasoning later out of the kids hearing. When my kids came to me to ask something I always asked what did your dad say or your dad and I will have to talk about it. The kids accepted this and they knew better than to play us against each other. Sometimes I really thought the kids should be allowed to do something when their dad said no but I respect him and sometimes we would talk and agree that next time this request came up we would say yes. Kids have to know you are in control.It's okay to say no sometimes. It sounds like you have some work ahead of you. Your kids will have to adjust to the new system so expect some tantrums and tears but stand firm. If you both want well adjusted kids you need to start now. Just be united with your decisions about the kids. Good Luck!
BOTH OF YOU SHOULD UNDERGO ART OF LIVING COURSE TOGETHER. ACCEPT THE SITUATION FIRST. FIND WHAT CHANGES U CAN BRING WITHIN YOU SO THAT YOU CAN IMPLIMENT THEM WITH ACTION. BE THE CHANE YOU EXPECT FROM OTHERS.
DONT IET THE KID DO WHAT EVER
Seek counseling for the family, most towns have an agency, not expensive.
you are right, don't spoil your kids. they will end up spoiled
Try to explain this to your wife. If she really love your kid, she will be understand your point. I agree with you, spoiled child never grown up.
You and your wife need to gorw up and stop having ';power struggles'; through your kids. You both are trying to undermine each other and you use the kids to do it.
Yeah - been there done that... If only you can get your wife to the local library and choose some parenting books TOGETHER. My own daughter seems to have learnt from my mistakes - this is what she does with her partner and her li'l darlin; who seem to be working out just fine. But - hey - don't think you will ever have more control over your family than Bart Simpson (or his creator). Good luck, and don't worry too much - rather; make sure you make every minute count - they grow up and fly away too fast, yeah: wives too...
You should sit down with you wife and try to compromise with her tell her that its okay to give them something as long as they earned it I did that with my son (former spoiled brat) it worked so well

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