What to do when you and your husband differ on parenting styles?

My husband and I agree on most everything on a lot of subjects, but parenting is one that we have a hard time agreeing on. My husband was also deployed for the first several months of my son's life, so it was mainly me doing the parenting. I'll give an example. My 15 month old son was given greenbeans. He took one bite and decided he didn't care for them. My husband flew off the handle and got up %26amp; put them back in his mouth telling him he will eat every last one of those veggies until they were gone. My thought is that as long as he tried it and doesn't throw them or say ';eww gross'; I don't mind if he doesn't finish that vegetable. My husband say's no way no how he will be spoiled and a picky eater. Today my son was trying to get to something that wasn't his and my husband put him on the other side of the room. That's fine and I agree. But 30 min. later my son was still not allowed to play on the other side of the room even when the temptation had been removed! What to do?What to do when you and your husband differ on parenting styles?
Like others have already suggested, you and your husband need to sit down and discuss discpline measures when the child is not around. Make a list of possible things a child can do, run in the house, say ';dada';, give a hug, touch the stove, not eat his veggies, put his hand in the toilet, just a list of so many things bad, good, and passive. You each should write down or say how you would respond to the situation. Then make comprimises between both of your responses. Remember a child needs both positive and negative discplines in his life.





If he doesn't see the point or still pushes too hard on your little one, you can suggest some sort of parenting group. In my area, there is a daddy boot camp that teaches men who want to be positive role models for their children these kinds of things. Most usually associate these kinds of things with men who won't be living with their children, but it is designed for all men.





And a book is a great suggestion as well! Just a general parenting book concerning the age group your child is in, usually they discuss problems you will face like not wanting to try new things. (I remember reading it takes a child seeing something new 10 times before he will eat it)





Good luck!What to do when you and your husband differ on parenting styles?
You have to communicate with him. Not in the heat of the moment but before it happens. I am going through a similar situation with my husband. He, too, was deployed for a year. Our 2 1/2 year old son got used to my standards and then daddy came home trying to change them, or so it seemed. It was enough stress for him having to deal with the changes of daddy being back home, he didn't need the additional confusion. You two really have to talk this over and if you can't compromise on discipline, etc, you should see a counselor.
Talk with your husband and tell him that while you agree that he should be punished the length of time is excessive for his age. Your husband may need to be reminded that the child is not even 2 years old. Children are meant to be children not men in the military. They will misbehave and they will test the waters but over-punishment will lead to resentment later in life. Sit down and try to come up with punishments that you both can agree upon. Such as time out, taking a toy away etc. Set the guidelines now so you don't have any surprises between the two of you.





Regarding eating, it can take up to 10 attempts of introducing a new food to children. This is why so many parents give up on kids when they don't like something, they don't give him enough attempts to get used to the food. (This is something every nutritionist will explain to you when a child needs food therapy. The therapy is generally for children who have had stomach or intestinal problems that need to learn to eat solid foods later than most children. The great thing is, this therapy works for every kid.) Food, colors, textures as well as tastes need to be developed in every human. Try reminding him of a time when he refused to eat something as a child but now enjoys this food. Also, everyone has food that they do not like. It is a rule for a new food in our house with our daughter that she must take a no thank you bite each time it is in front of her. We understand that she may not like everything but she must give it a real attempt.





Good luck
Tell your husband to calm down. He is being way too harsh. As far as the veggies go, if he really wants him to eat them instead of forcing them on the child say just one bite. And hopefully your son will take one bite. Than say ';just one more bite'. That's how my MIL got my kids to eat what they didn't want to. Good luck and stick to your principles. If you don't agree with something your husband is doing try to work out a compromise you can both agree on.
Your husband is being a little too harsh on your son. I would totally agree with him if your son was not listening and kept going over there anyway. That is different. But, if he already realized he can't have it and is not going back to it, then there's no need for further punishment.





My husband used to get a little too harsh on our daughter sometimes and it was getting to me. So, I wrote him a letter. I've always found that my true feelings come out better in writing and you get your point across without arguments or interruptions. He read my letter and came to me when he was ready to talk about it. He said that he didn't really agree, but he will be more cautious as to how he is with her. Well, to be honest, I've never noticed any harshness since then.
You said your husband was deployed for the first several months of your son's life... I would think that might have something to do with it. I've heard of instances where it's hard for a parent who's been away for so long to come back into the family setting. One parent is used to doing it all (that would be you) and the other feels kind of left out. Maybe he is over compensating for those missed months. Let him know that you do need him to help but you must both agree on things or the child will sense this weakness and learn to manipulate one parent against the other.





I don't think your child will be a picky eater because he doesn't want to eat green beans. I gave my daughter fish the first time and she wouldn't touch it, the next time she loved it and asked for more, then the next time she hated it again. It's all part of the process of tasting things.





My husband went a little overboard of the discipline one time but I stood behind him because I want my daughter to know that she can't get in trouble with daddy and come running to me to get her out of the situation. You just need to have a talk and agree to the boundaries when it comes to discipline and other major parenting issues.
First of all your husband needs to realize your son is 15 months old, not an adult in the military. He is being WAY to hard on him. Kids learn through trial and error, and sometimes it takes 30 or 40 times for them to stop doing it. You need to get him some books and see if he will read them, of what should be expected of a child at what age. I agree with you on all your issues. It sounds like he is simply trying to control your child instead of teaching and understanding. And he is also setting a very bad example blowing up about everything, your son may start to mimic that when he is angry. He just has very high expectations for someone who has not had enough time to even learn the proper behavior yet, he is still a baby!


Patience and understanding is what your husband needs to learn about being a father, its not just about obeying.
WOW. Your son is too young for discipline like that! A 15 month old is not going to remember 30 minutes later why they were punished! And as for food - it can take 10-15 tries before a toddler is willing to eat a new food. Your husband is going to turn him into a picky eater by forcing him to eat what her does not like. Your son at least tried the food! (Spoiled would be making a separate meal for your child rather than having him choose from the food you have cooked for everyone).


You need to sit down and have a serious talk about how you plan to raise him. You and your husband need to decide together (without the child around) what each of you expects, and how you can make it work for both of you. You should also have your husband read a parenting book that encourages positive discipline, not military action!
You are going to have to compromise. Do not argue about the childs punishment in front ofthe child. The two of you need to sit down one day while your son is NOT around and talk about rules. What the two of you see and how things can be handled on certain things. It will confuse the child if you say one thing and daddy says something else. There are certain situtations that can be resolved fairly quickly. If you know your son does not like green beans then do not cook them. Cook something else until he finds a veggie he likes. When preparing his plate only give him a little bit of veggies so he isn't sitting there with a ton of veggies that your husband is 'forcing' him to eat. As a kid I never liked peas. My grandfather made me eat them. Till this day I still dont like peas. If someone doesn't like to eat something. Forcing them will not make it any better.





Your husband needs to be careful at the way he handles your son. There is nothing wrong with displine and you want your child to know you mean business, but you also don't want your child to rebel.





Good luck!!
maybe you need to sit down with your husband and let him hear you out... without any talk back from him until your done.


NO INTERUPPTIONS.! then let him say all he wants after you. NO INTERUPTIONS.! then keep doing that until you come to a ';middle path';.a compromise of parenting techniques that offer love and patience above all. first of all explain that your sons very young, but he doesnt deserve to be yelled at. ask your husband how he would feel, if he was forced to eat something he really detested. help your husband understand that kindness and love is above all with the little ones in the home. let the yelling and control stuff be left outside the home for the military. thank him in advance for listening to you. remember, your son is learning early to make decisions for himself. best wishes.
Wow...sounds like your hubby is a hard assss! I would agree w/ you both situations! Just politly let your hubby know that you dont want a dictatorship in your household.....just let him know that a 15 month old still does not understand fully what is going on and if he doesnt like something then he wont eat it and maybe in a week or more you can try it again and he may like them! Also w/ him still not letting him do something after 30 min...that is crazy...everything I have read suggest that babies dont really have that long of a memory....just let him know that 1-2 min is good for time out for a 15 month old!





Plus a 15 month explores everything (I have one) so letting him do something or not do something is just a learning process and should not be gone about harshly...they are still learning everything!