Snooping just to snoop is lazy and dishonest parenting?

Who agrees? I'm not talking about a situation where a teenager is harming themselves(drugs, mutilation, abuse etc...) but when parents snoop just for the sake of snooping, even if the teenager gives NO reason to be suspected.





If you treat teenagers like criminals and degrade them as if they're nothing but your personal property, then why be suprised when their behavior reflects that?





So, who agrees snooping for no apparent reason is a dishonest abuse of trust and authority?Snooping just to snoop is lazy and dishonest parenting?
Yes it is, when a teenager does something sneaky it is considered as the one of the most disrespectful things they can do, and have to do alot to earn their trust back. It's lazy and makes the parent kind of stupid, any one who can do their job properly would be able to ask the child, and they'd trust you enough to tell you.





It is no wonder that teenagers with parents like that are so disrespectful towards them, if your spouse did something like that you'd pretty annoyed.





Why must people use that ';it's my house excuse'; that doesn't mean you're above the law, the house belongs to the man as he payed for most of it, so do women have no rights?





Panda... What about couples where only one of them makes payments, does mean the other has no rights, what if the government put cameras in your house, would you be ok with it, after all you're in their country, their property, they'll do what ever they want. ';I pay the bills, I make the decisions'; is pretty much what you and other people say, so if they don't pay they don't have no rights, children go to school they work so by your logic it is also their house. They do own the country they own they are in charge so it is theirs, they fund the companies that build the house, if it weren't for themyour house wouldn't be there so by your logic they own it.Snooping just to snoop is lazy and dishonest parenting?
I don't think snooping is a good thing for anyone at any age. I wouldn't go as far as to call it lazy parenting, I think most parents do it with good intentions. Some parents are over protective, usually they have issues from their childhood and worry all the time, and this leads to over the top parenting such as too much control, snooping and following them. However, it is not the most effective way to handle things, and I think that some parents feel they are out of options and just don't know any better. I'm a parent now, I do believe that teenagers have a right to privacy and respect, as long as that is mutual. I think parents have a right to put down some rules, meet friends, meet the people they date, know where they are, when they are going to be back etc. They don't have the right to read emails, diaries and intrude on every moment of their life. Besides, that only leads to rebellion and usually backfires.


If a parent suspects drugs, violence, or anything that would be detrimental to the teen, then anything is acceptable at that point.
Well I am a parent and I will snoop on my, when you tell them you do it is it still snooping?





The valedictorian of my graduating class gave her parents no reason not to trust her, heck she had the best GPA in the school, so they never snooped!! If they had they would have learned that she was the biggest COKE head in the free world, I went to a party that she was at and personally saw her do 4 lines. I was also a good friend of hers and knew of 5 guys she slept with her junior year alone!!





So just because a teen is squeaky clean does not mean they don't do bad things.





A RESPONSIBLE parent knows that snooping is perfectly acceptable, if the teen has nothing to hide then there is no problem but if there is something there then at least the parents know about it and can deal with it.





As for your latter remarks about adults being just as sneaky, you are right but the thing is we pay bills and taxes and have our OWN home, when you pay bills, taxes and have your OWN home you can do as you wish.
I don't have teenagers yet, and my parents were pretty good about respecting my privacy.





BUT I do remember a story about a girl who had a stepmom who went through her stuff and threw her diary out because the girl talked about how she thought her stepmom was mean.





I don't think any parent should go through a child's diary. It's a way for them to express themselves and get their feelings out. My 7 year old daughter keeps a diary, but it's mainly for her to write stories, draw, etc. I would never go through it, even if she is a little kid.
I agree with you. In some cases, like you said, it is necessary, but I'd rather my mom just come to me and talk (I'm 18) rather than snooping to find out what's going on in my life.





I honestly have nothing important to hide from her but I'd rather her not go through my private things, you know? I think if I ever found out my mom went though my stuff it would create a lot of issues between us and I wouldn't be willing to tell her as much as I do. We have a great realtionship and I'm sure it wouldn't be that way if she went through my stuff.
i wouldn't be as harsh as to say its ';lazy and dishonest '; parenting.


i do not agree to snooping in your teenagers room, if their is no good reason to do so.


if you do it constantly, it defeats the purpose anyway. you will get caught, and if you do, they will be alot more careful next time.


when i need to snoop, there will be a good reason.
I admit I snoop but its more for my daughters protection. A neighbors kid comitted suicide a couple weeks ago. The boy was 14 so young so polite and seemed totally normal- saw the boy practicaly everyday and my daughter was bestfriends with him so im really worried for her right now and i just want to make sure that if anything like that happened to her then there was litterally no way of knowing (she doesn't know I snoop so we have a fine relationship) but then I guess right now i sorta have a reason
My personal opinion is that hopefully i can keep an open line of communication with my daughters as they get older so i will not feel the need to snoop. Now if there is something to be concerned about and i have that ';gut feeling'; and i can't get anything out of my children or child about it, then i may snoop.... this is only if i suspect that they are drinking, having sex, or doing drugs...other than that. i won't need to.





NO REASON = NO SNOOPING
Personally if I felt that my child was in some form of danger I would try to talk with them, then snoop if needed. However I feel that if you treat somebody like a criminal they have no incentive to act otherwise. I wouldn't bother to follow the speed limit if I was going to get a ticket anyway.
No, its not lazy and dishonest. Teenagers hide things, all parents were teenagers at one time so we know what teenagers do. My house and my rules. My kids know the bedroom they sleep in is not really their room, but mine and I'm just letting them use it so I can go into it anytime I want to. I have a good relationship with my kids (they're not teenagers yet) and I hope to continue to have a good one with them when they're older, but if I feel I need to ';snoop'; than I will. I won't wait until they're at school to snoop, I'll do it with them sitting on the bed.





Homer - going through things in my house isn't acting like I'm above the law. If my child had drugs in the house, the cops wouldn't say ';oh well, the drugs are in your daughters room so you're not reliable for them.'; As far as who ';owns'; my house, me and my husband both do. Both our names are on the mortgage and we both make the payments so I have just as much claim to the house as he does. If only one parent works and makes the payment the house still belongs to both. Just because one parent doesn't work outside of the home doesn't mean they don't work. The government can't put cameras in a persons house because they don't own the house or this country. Our government is for the people by the people.
I steal money from my kids alllll the timeeeeeeeee!!


No big deal.
Is snooping through another human being's things lazy? Yes. Dishonest? Yes. A breach of their human rights? Yes.





=]
Unless my children gave me a reason to snoop I wouldn't. But I know damn well no child is perfect. Most do in fact have something to hide from parents.
Growing up, when my parents acted like I couldn't be trusted it made me want to act like that, because making the right choices in life is hard--especially in high school, and when you are successful and you get no recognition for it it's like, ';screw it, it would be easier to just drink and have sex, I'm treated like I do anyway.'; I'm in college now, straight A student, Phi Theta Kappa, over 100 service hours, going to law school-- I have always been this person. But being treated like I couldn't be trusted just drove me nuts. I agree that teens who are treated unfairly with trust will rebel.





I also think people just like to snoop, parents as well, and that some will even snoop just because they like to snoop and say HEY IM A PARENT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING. If you think you have a good reason to snoop, by all means, you need to know what's going on. But if your kid goes to church group every night and has never gotten into trouble a day in her life, come on now, the kid's earned some leeway. That is purely conditional and can be taken away without a moments notice the instant they screw up, but until then, they've earned a little privacy.
i will not snoop just to snoop but i don't find it to be lazy or any type of abuse to authority. i do find it wrong to do it behind the child's back though. if i feel the need to go into my children's rooms at any time that is my right as a parent. if it is under my roof it is my property. i however feel it is wrong to read diaries/journals. i go through things all the time in my house, it is my house. my children talk to me, they know i can and will walk into their rooms at any given time and make sure things are ok. i am not doing it for authority reasons but to make sure they haven't hidden things they aren't suppose to and to make sure things aren't shoved where they don't go (dirty clothes, trash, etc). i don't have to sneak because i am honest and i have made it a point to let everyone in this house know the rules. as far as kids not being property, i do agree with that, they aren't property but if you could find something before it gets out of hand wouldn't you rather that. i was very open with my mom, i knew she did room checks in her home, she had every right, she did pay for it but thank goodness she did because i ended up hiding a pipe and some weed once and she found it before it got too out of hand for us to deal with. i look at some ';snooping'; as a parents intuition and not as a nosy thing. parents are pretty smart and sometimes we just know when something is going on. in the event my children rebel against me so be it, at least i know i did my best to prevent the worst and that one day they will realize what i have done and things will be fine. all that being said, i still have 2 years before my oldest is a teen.





to the comment about the government.. i am a military wife, i know at any moment they can come in to my home. i deal with it. i honestly don't have anything to hide. if they want to come in and see my private toy box, they will get the embarassment, not me. please though answer how it makes you vindictive to check a childs room? if the parent isn't doing it for revenge then it isn't vindictive.