I think it’s important for you to realize that it’s natural for parents to end up on different pages; sometimes infrequently, sometimes often. People will disagree about a lot of core issues in a marriage; it's very normal for two adults to see the world in two different ways. But things that are subtle differences can become more burdensome over time. So often, something that starts out as a little conflict can grow until you and your spouse aren't on the same page in dealing with that issue—for some reason, you aren’t able to develop a common strategy for dealing with the problem. This may be okay in some instances—let’s say you keep your car very clean but your spouse is a little more lax, and the two of you learn to live with that. But when it comes to your children, it’s a whole different ball game. I think people have to really take a look at themselves and step back and say, “Our children are very important to us, so we need to come together on this.” It’s very important to come up with a cohesive plan to which you both adhere—or your child is liable to fall through the cracks of your lack of agreement. And this is especially true when you have a child with behavioral problems, because besides putting extra stress on a marriage, you need to be united in teaching that child firm, clear rules.
I believe the three main parenting roles for both parents are the Teaching, Coaching and Limit-setting roles. In fact, I can’t stress enough how necessary all these roles are to being an effective parent.
Read more below:What are some parenting differences you have with your spouse?
I let my son explain things to me. My husband is not so patient. He was raised in whatever you think happened, probably happened, and no explanation will be allowed. I, on the other hand, was raised the same way, and HATED IT. There were so many times that I was disciplined for no reason, and if my Mom or Dad had only taken the time to allow me to explain, the outcome would've been different. I carried a certain amount of bitterness around with me because of that, and swore I'd be different when I had children, and I am. I would never discipline my child without knowing the whole story.
We normally discuss our differences (when alone - never in front of our son) in parenting, and try to see the other's side of things. Do we always? No, but we try to establish common ground for the good of our son, and even though my husband gets frustrated at times when my son yammers on with an explanation, he knows it's important to me that I hear it, so he's tolerant. My son still gets punished if he's handing me a bunch of BS (and my husband sometimes helps me see through it lol), but I've averted quite a few mishaps of disciplining unadvised, simply by finding out the whole story.
He's the fun one.
She still behaves for him, but that's less about him disciplining her and more about her being a daddy's girl and not wanting to get daddy annoyed.
They do all the fun activities, I don't. Mummy is ';boring'; and isn't allowed to join in half as much as daddy.
I do all the nasty stuff, I tell her off, I was the one that dealt with nappies, I deal with the tantrums.
He rarely tells her off, and if he does, he just shouts at her, she's a lot like me and just zones out if she's being shouted at and carries on with whatever she's doing. I use the thinking pad and a calm voice while I'm telling her off, she always listens to me, she knows I'll follow through.
If he's shouting at her, I step in, I hate undermining him in front of her, and try not to, but if I can see that whatever he's trying to stop is still happening, I stop it. But rather than ';Mehgan, mummy doesn't like you doing that'; it's more along the lines of ';Mehgan, daddy told you to stop that, now stop it or daddy will get annoyed';.
Generally though, we're on the same page, junk food is a treat not the norm, bedtime is at 8 o'clock and he will give her a bath and read her a story no matter what has happened at work, if he's looking after her for the day, she will not sit in front of the TV all day and he will take her out, if he's in charge of food, sandwiches aren't acceptable for lunch and dinner, one or the other.
Compromise is always the best way to go with parenting.
I have more patience than my husband and I tend to allow the kids to have a say or explain things while he has more of a ';do what I say and do it now'; kind of attitude while I am Happy to compromise at times. Because of this my kids do tend to come to me more often than not when they want something like to stay up later or whatever because they know I will at least hear them out and come up with a possible compromise while dad will most likely say ';no'; without a second thought.
My husband is also more lax about things than I am. If I think something is dangerous I might not really want the boys to do it but my husband will tell me it's fine they can handle it.
I think it's good that we have some differences because we balance each other out.
Well I have a 3 yr old son and he has a bad temper and and he is too spoil the different i have with my husband is the he is very streak on him and my son do listen and do what his father tell to do. and really fast but i want to jump on my husband when he is doing the but i don't I wait to he is finish the my son is at sleep and tell what i think I tell what i did not like and how i thought he should had handle the situation He tell I'm too soft the my son do whatever he wants with me and is some way is true. But I melt like ice cream when my sons looks at me with his littler brown eyes and ask me for something.but deep inside I'm very glad he do things like he does without spanking or abusing him he tell him in a very firm voice how to behave and what to do and my son do listen. one thing I do now if my husband is wrong at the moment he is correcting my son on something I don't scream or disrespect my husband in front of him I'll do it whr he is not there and my mother just to do the same thing with me.
so goo luck and that is something all couple goes thought.
I was yelled at all the time as a child. My father was a jerk. He could never TALK to us, it was always yelling. So I swore when I had kids, I’d never YELL like my Dad did to us.
I’ve stuck by that for the most part. Sure, the occasional holler might come out of my mouth if my son is putting himself in danger, but for the most part, I don’t yell.
My husband (and his entire family) tend to YELL all the time. Everything is in that loud voice. They tend to start off talking and it gradually gets louder and louder.
In my opinion, kids stop listening when you yell. I have had such positive results talking to my son and stepdaughter when they misbehave than my husband has had yelling at them when they misbehave. And he’s working on it and he himself, also sees better results. But I also believe that the yelling is because the person has lack of patience. And that’s also something my husband is working on.
We sometimes disagree with what t.v. shows are appropriate and what are not. When he watches things that is promoting premarital sex or violence then i ask him to please watch something else with the kids because i do not like that kind of influence on them. If he refuses to watch something else , then i ask him to watch it on another t.v. away from the kids and then me and the kids will do or watch something more appropriate and on their age levels.I prefer them to watch something positive and have a good feeling about the show ,rather then being scared or frightened and confused.
When it comes to punishment, my husband is more prone to talking the issue out with the kids. I don't mind that at all, although in the process of 'talking' to them he actually just gives the kids an excuse for their behavior. ';Now if you were just ignoring me so you could go turn off the tv, then I would understand that.'; And things of that nature. But I shrug it off. My husband is such a warm, loving person that I can't get mad at him for being such a lenient dad. It's part of the package.
We're very in sync, except I guess I'm tougher on the kids than he is. And he is a safety nut; I'm very grounded but a little less over the top in that regard.
When we're at an impasse, depending on what it is, I'll back off. I feel strongly about certain things he doesn't necessarily agree with, but isn't as passionate about, and vice versa. I could probably count on one hand the number of serious arguements we've had in 12 years, and that is probably a big reason for it.
*i only give my daughter sweets after dinner- my girl gives em to her to shut her up
*i want my daughter to wake up early so she will go to sleep kinda early and take a nap mid day- my girl doesnt work so that schedule i want doesnt happen
*my girlfriend always wants to take the baby to the park and such - but i work full time plus side work so im drained by the end of my work day (i know im mean)
*my girlfriend will be satisfied if the baby eats a PBJ for dinner - i get angry at that and make her eat some solids or at least Spaghettio's
I don't have a spouse.
Or a life.
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