What is the correct parenting approach to take?

My b/f's son was with us this past week, and my b/f was upset with me for asking his son to chew with his mouth closed 3 times in an entire week. He, however, didn't even acknowledge that was happening, and therefore didn't say anything to him. His son also would push on my seat when we rode 9 hours in the car, and I asked him to stop, again, another thing that my b/f got upset with me about. His reasoning is that kids are kids and you have to have patience with this stuf, and you can't ride them because it will make them hate you... but where do you draw the line? What is the right thing to do? Why?





His son is 9.What is the correct parenting approach to take?
I think you asked entirely the wrong question. I think you should have asked if your parenting styles are reasonably compatible enough for you to continue your relationship, or ask if you should negotiate guidelines that will enable the three of you to be a set piece. Asking what the correct parenting approach to take means nothing if the two of you cannot mutually agree and accept what is tolerable and reasonable. Talk to him, now, and seriously. Accept that if your boyfriend draws his line and you draw your line and both lines are too far apart from one another the relationship between the three of you is doomed to a ton of pain and angst. The number of relationships that have collapsed because one partner could not deal with or accept the attitude of the birth parent to their child are legion and would fill an encyclopaedia.What is the correct parenting approach to take?
Hmmm...this is a toughie...





You are the ';girlfriend';...you are not mom. So there is no parenting approach for YOU to take with the SON...





However, it sounds like your boyfriend isn't teaching his son any manners, and it's possible that his son resents you (kicking the back of your seat sounds hostile for a nine-year-old; he ought to know better by now).





If I were you, I'd discuss your requirements with the boyfriend (I don't like it when your son kicks me, it's disrespectful, etc etc). If the boyfriend won't change, then you'll have to consider ditching HIM, because he's probably not gonna EVER put you first in this situation, if he won't even take your concerns seriously...





Good luck with this one...
His son is old enough to know what he is doing, and what he is doing is trying to push your buttons to get you angry and play you off of your boyfriend. You and the boyfriend need to have a private 1:1 conversation about how the two of you will discipline his kid when you are together. This will include the basic respect that you expect from both the kid and your b/f. If that can not happen, then call it quits right now, because this will be a no win situation for you.
First get support from your boyfriend...





Holding kids to higher standards is called teaching. Parenting is not a popularity contest. We teach kid because we want them to grow up to be decent self-disciplined adults one day... avoiding the lessons of today justs makes things harder for everyone tomorrow.





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I think you B.F is feeling guilty about only having his son part of the time, but it still does not excuse the fact that all kids need discipline. Yes you have to pick your battles, but there has to be a line. He needs to be taught manners and what is right from wrong. If the B.F does not understand that i would think again about the relationship.
All of the things his son did are NORMAL! I have an 8 year old I have to ask her constantly to not kick the chair in front of her at the movies and to chew with her mouth closed. Bottom line is unless he is doing something dangerous or is being outright rude on purpose, you have no right to correct him. If he will get hurt as a result of his actions or hurt someone else then you can chime in, leave the little stuff to his parents.
tell him to control his child.....but that might make him mad...but if he wants to be with you then he has to teach his child to respect you! He's 9 he should already know how to keep his mouth shut while he chews....KIDS....lol.... he is right about one thing kids will be kids but if you don't tell them right from wrong and disipline them now they will never learn and never know respect...............
Read Dr. Sears. He is the Patron Saint of child rearing. Don't trust your own judgement, buy his manual. Pretty soon, kids will be born with Dr.Sears' book attached to their umbilical cords instead of a placenta. j/k





Honestly, I'd have a heart to heart with your boyfriend about this, and you need to re-evaluate this relationship with the kid factor and his child rearing principles. Just think about it. Where can you see this going in 5 years? What if you get married and have your own kids? My senses tell me it's not a good combination. Good luck.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that you do have some sort of say so with his son, IF your relationship is headed down the path towards a family (you, him and his son). I would have said something to the kid when he was kicking my seat too. LOL, you should have driven the rest of the way and let your boyfriend sit in your seat see how he would have liked that for 9 hours!! Sorry, anyways ask him if the tables were turned what would he say? How would he act and how would he feel if you were acting like him. Your boyfriend need to sit down with his son and have a talk about when people say to stop doing something that is not nice he should stop. Hope that helps.
You are right to speak up. Some people just let their kids run over them from day 1, and what fine adults do they think they are going to be? Usually, they turn out to be worthless punks! You do have to excercise patience, but that means correcting him in a calm, polite way, NOT ignoring the problem and letting the kid be in control all the time! I'm sorry to tell you, but if your bf and you do not see eye to eye on this type of situation, you have a rocky road ahead of you!! You need to keep your cool at all times, but do let your bf know he can let his child run over him if he wants, but you will not allow it, now or ever!! The child will eventually learn this, too. They know who will take their crap, and who won't and they learn to behave accordingly.
Unfortunately, since this is your bestfriend's kid, you don't have a right to parent him. Let your friend parent the way he wants to or he'll just think you're annoying. So what do you do about the bad behavior? Don't hang out with the kid. If you're friend asks why you don't want to hang out with his son, just tell him the child's behavior annoys you, but you respect his right to parent the way he wants to. You just don't want to have to deal with the result of it. Smile when you say it and it will soften the blow. If your friend is offended, then move on. Chances are it will make him think, anyway.
i personally as a mother would have done the same thing with my son chewing with mouth open is disgusting and kicking the seat is a big no no if you are gonna be part of his life his kids are gonna have to listen to you as well he should not get mad at you cause you are trying if you don't they will walk all over you you do need patience but as well as discipline
First of all, do you really want this guy as a boyfriend? The way he's raising his kid is a huge clue as to how he's try to raise any kid ya'll might have. I'm totally on your side. Kids need rules and they need to respect others. My 4 year old chews with her mouth shut. Matter of fact, when my kids turn two, we teach them to hold their finger over their mouth while chewing until they chew with their mouth shut. Its a nasty habit and it exceedingly poor manners. About the seat, I'd say something too! Next time, tell him to push his Dad's seat instead of yours, because you don't appreciate it. Until a kid has rules that have been tested and held up, they'll keep trying the boundaries. Sounds like both his parents are too lenient with them. Out of all my parents, my step Mom was the only one who laid out ground rules and stuck to them. As an adult, I love and respect her that much more for the house rules she had. I have alot of bad habits broken by her, even if I hated it at the time.
He's afraid to be a real parent because he fears his son won't like him. The right thing to do is be a real parent and not their friend. You have a rough time ahead of you if this childs father doesn't get with the program.
That's a tough question. Everyone has their own approach. I don't think you did anything wrong by asking the boy to stop kicking your seat. That would drive me nuts. Your bf might not realize what h is doing or maybe is a little embarrassed and doesn't know what to do. He might feel like he is being judged by you on how to raise a child. He's right that kids will be kids and that you need to have patience with them. But you need to have patience for them to make mistakes and help them learn from it. If you tell him to stop kicking your seat you need to explain why your asking him to stop. you can say ';can you please stop kicking the seat it hurts my back'; that way they maybe can understand why what they were doing is wrong. But if the problem lies more in your b/f then you need to talk to him in a way that don't make it look like you are criticizing his parenting skills. He might be learning himself and doing the best he can.
You did fine. Children need to be disciplined. He is old enough to know not to do these things . He is just trying to get attention. I would be patient with him. It doesn't sound like he was ever taught to have manners. You can not be upset with someone for doing something if they were never taught. Tell your boyfriend your concerns and let him handle it.
';His reasoning is that kids are kids and you have to have patience with this stuf, and you can't ride them because it will make them hate you..';





That's the biggest pile of nonsensical B/S I've seen in the past 20 years. I EFFING HATE THAT APPROACH!!!! Kids have to be trained to be polite and listen to their parents and adults. This just doesn't happen by chance!!!!! What happens when that little brat is a teen ager? I tell you what, he does whatever the hel1 he wants to do, that's what.





Your b/f erred when he did not reinforce your authority. He's a horrible parent, lose him now or you'll end up with a brat like that one. The other wife left him for a reason you know......
There is nothing wrong with asking a 9 year old to quit pushing on the back of your seat, he is perfectly capable of controling himself and knows better. As for the chewing...I hate that too but that IS a habit thats hard to break. Although I don't think asking him 3 times in a week is excessive. Gentle reminders is what its going to take.
I think you were right. If the child is bothering you, you should say so. When it comes to discipline, that should be left up to your boyfriend. If things continue, and the child still misbehaves, tell your boyfriend your concerns, and insist he deal with it.
YES FOR SURE, KIDS ARE KIDS!! IF YOU DO NOT TEACH THEM ANYTHING, HOW WILL THEY LEARN. YOUR B/F IS JUST BEING A PROTECTIVE PARENT. RESPECT MEANS, THE CARE AND CONSIDERATION OF HOW OTHERS THINK AND FEEL. WORKS BOTH WAYS!! AND ALSO YOUR B/F IS A MALE. MALE AND FEMALE COME FROM DIFFERENT PLANETS, YOU KNOW. HOPE THIS HELPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A 9 year old should be over both of these habits, and your b/f should be reprimanding him. You had every right to step in, but maybe you should have expressed your concerns to the father before going straight to the son.