If you use spanking in your parenting, would you let the child child choose his or her punishment?

I havn't spanked any of my children past there 14th birthday, but I wonder if I could have done something different. It will not be fair to a younger child, but I should perhaps have given them a choose in how to be spanked when they reached perhaps 10 or 11. For ex, do you want a spanking or grounding for two weeks? Do you ever let your children choose there punishment?If you use spanking in your parenting, would you let the child child choose his or her punishment?
That may end up being a bad idea. Not that you want to project a ';control-freak'; attitude, but you don't want to lose the control you have. Your kids choosing their own punishments would put them in control of you, even if it is punishment they're controlling.If you use spanking in your parenting, would you let the child child choose his or her punishment?
I will definitely choose for them. Letting them choose their punishment wont teach them anything. If they choose, of course they are going to pick the one that hurts the least and when the punishment is over, they will have gotten it easy and wont even feel sorry.

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My brother and I were spanked as children but our sister was not. That stopped around age 12; then we got grounded. Personally, if given the choice (which we weren't), I'd have taken spankings to not be grounded.





You're the parent, your children violated your rules, you choose the disciplinary measures. As I stated, to me, restriction was much worse than a spanking. But since my brother and I weren't given a choice we tended to not repeat violations of our parents' rules to avoid restrictions.
You should, but you should decide if that chose is good or not. For example if your daughter or son chooses a day of grounding. Say how bout no and change it to 1 week. Kind of be sarcastic about it.
if u do that u give them a choice and it is still giving them a sort of control.
I dont smack, I used to, but no longer do.





I do offer my children to choose between two punishments, they might for example lose their playstation for a week, lose that weeks pocket money or do the dishes for a week. all suck really in a kids eyes, but those three things all work wonders for my son.





Now your kids are older, theres not a lot you can do, but even when they are older you can ask them what they think would eb a reasonable punishment, doesnt mean you have to use it, but it does make them feel more like they have an imput in their own lives if they get to discuss things like an adult.
I Have nothing against spanking a child. I have done it to my own son. But on very rare occasions, the key is consistency and fairness and don't show any sign of a sigh about it. If he/she is doing something that they are aware is wrong, you warn them once and if they do it again, don't give the slightest slack. Give them exactly what they were warned would come, with no buts. Most kids can be troublesome if there is no consistency which gives them room to play up. I have a great relationship with my son because of it. He knows that keepin on the right side is agreeable to me, he doesn't yearn to encroach any boundary lines and is a genuinely happy outgoin kid as a result. Ofcourse my kid has his moody moments but i can live with that.


Remember consistency it saves you having to replay the same old act time after time. me and his mother split way back when he was young, and he makes no secret of the fact that he enjoys hangin at my place more than his moms were she complains to me about his behaviour !!! The thing i remember with her was that she was never consistent.
In my house we get both. We usually get spanked n sent to our room until the punishment is decided.Sometimes my mom n dad gave me a chioice of a two punishments n whatever one i didnt pick was the one i didnt get cuz my dad said i shouldnt enjoy a punishment.


sometimes they asked me to choose to check if i was real sorry n if i picked an easy punishment they always said i wasnt sorry enough to pay the price.


I just prefer when they decide n i get it over with it usually sucks anyway
I have let my children decide their punishment before. They are 16 and 17 now so it is farther and fewer between. But what I found was that they would always make the punishment more severe that I would. I knew what the minimum punishment was they could choose and if they chose something beyond that they would actually get a break from what they thought was fair. Only once did my daughter say her punishment should have been lighter, I explained why I didn't think so I she received my punishment instead.
Yes, I've used this on occasion. Not with spanking but with other punishments, given them an option. It really depends on the 'infraction' and what I think the appropriate punishment is. And only ocasionally, an option is what I give.





I stopped giving or felt the need for spanks when mine was about 8.





Just read kickbxsgirl above - that's something I have yet to do: have the child pick their punishment. I may try that out sometime too.
Actually, sometimes I have let my son pick his punishment without choices from me. Almost always he picks a harsher punishment than I would have picked. Usually it was for something minor. Sometimes he will pick a really harsh punishment or a lighter punishment than he deserves and then we discuss that the punishment needs to fit the crime and we can usually come to an agreement on what is the best punishment. So, I guess I help him come to the right degree of punishment and I rarely have to spank him.
Nah, I think it is best not to let them know what is coming. That puts more fear in them about what will happen if they do something wrong. Personally I did not spank mine past 3 or 4 years old. I never had to.
well, personally, when i was a little kid, my parents never let me choose the beatings....they would just beat me for 20 times and then they would ground me with no t.v. or computer...it was very painful...and i cried all the time.
I have given my girls a choice but each time they have chosen what I have thought was the appropriate punishment. That may be because I make the 2nd choice somewhat more odious.





For example with my 10 year old, I may offer a spanking over my lap, panties down with my hand vs. 1 week grounding and extra chores over the summer. She does not want to miss a minute of her summer vacation. She is going to take a few minutes of pain and crying.





On the other hand, my 15 year old had not been spanked for about 18 months. We used grounding, extra chores, and loss of priviledges. She abided by her punishments but continued misbehaving. However, we recently went back to spanking her like her little sister; that got her attention. I will not be giving her choice.

Does anyone know the court suggested parenting time Holiday schedule?

I have a schedule of holidays that the NJ court system gives to divorced parents who share custody to go by for the Holidays. We alternate. Easter is mine and I wanted to know how Good Friday and Easter are split. Anyone have one? Thanks!Does anyone know the court suggested parenting time Holiday schedule?
Usually the court will advise alternating years, but if you can reach a mutual agreement - based on what is most important to each of you - it will be better in the long run.





With our situation, the biggest thing I wanted was my daughter (who was two when we divorced) be home on Christmas day. When I was a child, I woke up, saw what Santa brought - and then 'come on, time to go see everyone else in the family'. I hated it - so it was very important to me that she be allowed to be home, see what Santa bought, play with her toys, nap, and a nice dinner at my house.





For his side of the family, Thanksgiving was a huge deal - with family from all over coming together.





Our solution - I got Christmas, he got Thanksgiving every year. He also got Easter - although Easter is important to me, it's the other 'wake up and see what was left' holiday, so since I had Christmas, he got Easter. (Friday to Monday). For a long time, I took off Good Friday, and we went to church for Maundy Thursday and had a special breakfast on Good Friday - and he picked her up at 6 on good friday night.





Good luck!Does anyone know the court suggested parenting time Holiday schedule?
Everyone is different, we do the whole holiday from the time school recesses till the time the child goes back to school. So this year we get her on Thursday and bring her back to school Monday. This also allows for travel time. We get even she gets odd years. Its fair.
How about alternating every year?


I am really not sure. I don't experience that problem because their dad does the whole Christian thing and I do the Jewish holidays. Sorry, if that wasn't much help.


The judge may decide on giving you guys 50/50 holidays.


Good luck!

pimple

Can you recommend a good parenting book both for discipline and educating?

My son has just turned one.Can you recommend a good parenting book both for discipline and educating?
Stay away from Michael Pearl and Richard Fugate. They believe in spanking babies. Sick.Can you recommend a good parenting book both for discipline and educating?
This is a book that has helped my husband and I (and many other parents we know) to raise happy, obedient, good kids. It is a book about child training and discipline and it teaches how parents can have a happy, fun enjoyable life with their kids without having to spend their whole day fighting with them. It also does touch on some points in education. Basically the whole book is great for showing parents how to be the teacher in their child's life and how to raise sweet children.


I have five kids and we don't have little problems like, not getting our 2 year olds to sleep or our crying when we say 'no' about the toy in the store.. Our life is full of fun and smiles with our children because we have used he principals in this book in our 'child training'.
I found the 'what to expect' books really good. The one called 'what to expect: the toddler years' is probably the one for you. It gives a month by month development guide with questions and answers aswell as play ideas, medical information, and discipline info too. Try to pick one up second hand so if its not the book for you it hasnt put you much out of pocket.

Would you work for a parenting magazine if you weren't into kids?

I need a new job in magazines and one of the biggest magazine companies has a job at a parenting magazine.





I'm not into parenting and I'm not a parent. Should i still apply when i get my foot in the door at a big magazine company?Would you work for a parenting magazine if you weren't into kids?
Some jobs at a parenting magazine I think i think you can get away with doing without having any interest in kids, but as an editorial asst., I think you need to have a sincere, vested interest in the subject matter.





On the other hand, in today's economy, a job is a job, and heck, working there might ratchet up your enthusiasm about kids, right?





The bottom line is this: can you afford to pass this job up and look for another one?Would you work for a parenting magazine if you weren't into kids?
I think you have to be close to a baby, like close family, before you get an appreciation of them. The answer to your question lies in what you want to do for the magazine. Design, editing, and in office jobs will be fine. If you want to do reporting or photography you might need a little more enthusiasm.

At what point do your parenting opinions matter more than your partners?

i mean, i see people on here ALL the time complaining about how their significant other parents in a way that is unacceptable to them. well, you decided to have kids with them and the kids ARE half theirs....so why does your opinion matter more than theirs?





its like something so stupid as to argue over a movie your SO lets your kids watch. if they're not being hurt, they're fed, and they're content then what is the big deal?





what im getting at is, if you chose to have kids with someone knowing the kids are half theirs....why does your opinion matter more?At what point do your parenting opinions matter more than your partners?
In some ways.. that's why I'm glad Bruce and I dont talk.. God only knows what he'd do to my poor child.At what point do your parenting opinions matter more than your partners?
it's the same as any dispute between spouses that affects them both ... what to do when one gets the job offer that requires both to move, whether to save money or buy the bigger house, whatever. nobody's opinion matters more, and if the marriage is going to survive couples need to have a way to resolve the many things that are going to come up where they don't agree.








i'll make an exception where one parent is abusive or neglectful, in which case the opinion of the parent who is not those things *does* matter more.
Sometimes fathers aren't as informed about babies as the mothers are, they may think some things are okay when they aren't. Or they may even think some things are not okay when they are, which is usually the case with my partner and I. He has had no experience with babies in his life so he often thinks she is more fragile than she actually is. I think when one parent gets angry because the other one is doing something differently to how they do it that is wrong. As long as the child is not being harmed in anyway they should just be left to do things how they want.
In my household we agree with eachother on most things dealing with stuff like this, however they are not his children, though he raises them like his own. My opinion does count a little more towards the kids than his does in some situations, but he understands why i feel that way about certain things and agrees with me.
I agree in a way. But my Daughter's father is SO laid back w/ parenting that I have to make most of the decisions. And he kind of goes w/ the flo. I ask him what he 'thinks' all the time and he always says he doesn't care, just go with what I want! It's frustrating sometimes actually, sometimes I wish he would put up a fight.
When it goes against my beliefs is when I will fight.





My husband and I wanted a 2nd child but he believed in circumcision and I did not. I refused to have another child if he thought it would be circumcised if it was a boy. I made a ';book of info'; for him and after reading it he saw my point of view and our son is now almost 2.5





I have the final say on carseats...he has NO say...he knows nothing and I research them to death.





We will never spank our children. I dont agree with it and god help anyone that ever touched them...i would kill them.... THis was discussed prior to us ever getting engaged.
i dont outrank my husband nor does he me. we are both parents to our children and we both have an equal say. it really is compromise and discussion. luckily in terms of the kids, we had most of those discussions before we ever had kids so at this point we are on the same page.
Its never more important. We are both the parents, if we divide on somthing, I think it would show a poor example to the kids, I respect my signifigant other, and trust him to do his best.
My husband spends more time away than he spends here. We both hate it, but I know the kids better. Unfortunately, it means that I do all the work, all the time, even when he's here.
Very true. My opinion doesn't matter *more* than my husbands, but I will say that we've both made stupid minor mistakes and we've called each other out of it.


Overall, I value his opinion, though. :)
when safety is an issue.


when you know more about the situation.
You have to give respect, to earn it.
I completely agree with you. My boyfriend and I are 50/50 on parenting decisions. Whenever a new challenge presents itself we talk about it and come to a decision we're both happy with. Same goes with if one of us are doing something the other doesn't like. We talk about it and try to come up with a reasonable compromise so we are both happy.


He gets me to do all the research though lol
I am biased, but I feel I carried my baby for 10 mons, I labored her, therefore, in some ways, she's ';more mine'. I know that sounds horrid, but that's my feelings, and you asked. It's not that my opinion matters ';more';, it's that I feel I know deep down when something isn't right or healthy for my baby, kind of like ';mother's intuition'; which my bf a guy obviously doesn't have.


For example, my bf sometimes blasts ';the terminator'; when he's watching the baby and I'm cleaning up or something, and I get mad and tell him to turn it off---b/c I don't think a loud, obnoxious movie with guns and violence could be good for my daughter's development, or her hearing.


My mom had this issue with my dad well---he used to let me watch ';The Poltergeist'; at age 6, and my mom would always get mad about it. Well my mom had a right to bc that movie started giving me nightmares lol.


You're a single mom from what I know, so in some ways you're lucky you don't have to deal with this or ';share'; parenting methods, but if you weren't, you'd probably be correcting your SO on things too that concern your son.

I need help with shared parenting,and my ex girlfriend wont agree to anything nor her lawlers?

She keeps using our child against me and she is 2 1/2.I got my temporary visitation but she wont agree to anything and its costing me alot for nothing.We are still in courts,my lawler wants to settle hers never responds.We cant work it out by ourselfs,what to do,what happens in my case,im running low on cash but im already paying child support.I need help with shared parenting,and my ex girlfriend wont agree to anything nor her lawlers?
do your best to be there for your child. i can understand the financial stress but the most important thing is to remember there is a baby involved and the role of a father is very importan in your childs life. as for her lawyer not answering, wait until you're not in court anymore and the judge makes the decision. wish you the best of luck!I need help with shared parenting,and my ex girlfriend wont agree to anything nor her lawlers?
Stop paying, if she is not upholding her end of the agreement then you have no obligation to pay. Unless the court grants her sole custody she has to, by law, let you see your child on the agreed dates. What the other lawyer is doing is holding out on agreeing to a settlement because your not in a strong finacial situation. What he is trying to do is make you desperate so that you will agree to thier terms on a settlement, its moraly questionable but unfortunatly legal. I would bring it up with your lawyer and try to figure out somthing to do.

Why do people misinterpret different parenting choices as judgment?

For example:


Me: ';It's amazing how a lot of people just assume baby's eat from jars';


My Mom: ';Your right I was the worst and most lazy mother';


Me: ';That's not what I said.....';








Like what?!? It makes me feel self-conscience because when people ask me what Julia eats I tell them what I make for her, but I am scared they think I am judging them. Weiird.


Why is this?Why do people misinterpret different parenting choices as judgment?
You know mom was going to say that. hahaha





She is so predictable and easy to pick on, its hard to resist.








I want the house.Why do people misinterpret different parenting choices as judgment?
Some people are just defensive because they themselves question their own choices and are insecure...or sometimes it is HOW something is said. It also has to do with parenting being the most important role in most parents' lives--they tried their best and don't want to feel like they didn't do the best possible for their child.





Also, expert recommendations change so much and so quickly that what my sister did for my 13-year-old niece and what my mom did for me--both following doctor's advice--would be considered ';wrong'; now. They did follow the doctor's advice and are now hearing, for example, that tummy-sleeping could increase the risk of sids. I'm sure my mom doesn't want to feel like she put us at risk in any way, ya know.
Insecurities of their parenting decisions.





Your comment didn't even make me flinch, it's probably a comment I've made in the past. Because of their insecurities they jump on their high horse, and but their backs up.





Nothing can really be done about it. Eventually you just shut up, because everything you say upsets someone.
Well, these pictures are a huge example of that. Apparently these pictures have told some people that it's an attack against someone formula feeding, when in all honesty that was no one's intention. Not all took it that way but some did. Misinterpretation of actions and words, without an explanation.
I know what you mean. They assume you have some underlying meaning to what you say. Instead of listening to the words that you are saying they are trying to read between the lines. That annoys me when people do that, especially my mom. I end up trying to explain my thoughts when if she had not tried to analyze what I was saying and listen to me there would be a whole lot less stress. I feel your pain!
I don't know why, but I feel the same way about breastfeeding. There are so many moms on Y!A who talk about how the breastfeeding ';nazis'; attack them for using formula, and how we all think we're superior. Now when I answer feeding related questions, I sometimes don't mention I breastfeed, because someone will interpret my comment on how I feed my daughter as me bashing them for not breastfeeding.
I think it would depend on how you said the statement to begin with, and who you said it to, plus some things are just better kept to yourself, I have had to do that more than once. If you think someone might get offended then just dont say anything, of course if someone asks you a question about how you d things then just say so.
haha i have so gotten something like that








my mom. i guess i was a horrible mother i would never let you go stay anywhere not even my moms house until you were 1. and your letting your son go to his dads at 7 months


me.. i am tired and i would like a night of sleep..








i get what you are saying. baby's eat different ways.
I think some people feel secretly guilty and insecure about their choices and every time people mention other choices they get angry and defensive and take it as a personal judgment.





Like the person who said anybody who had a breast feeding avatar was ';criticising formula';! I'm still trying to figure that one out...
Your comment did sound judgmental no offense. Saying it as ';although there is nothing wrong with pre jarred baby food (because there isnt anything wrong). I prefer to make my babies food'; But what anyone really thinks is not important as long as each parent does what they feel is right for their baby.
It's them who's self conscious with the choices they've made that's why they feel the need to get defensive.Surely if you're happy with your choices you are confident enough not worry about what others think?Don't worry just be true to yourself.
it is always better if u can make ur own baby food. keep the jar or readymade food as standby to supplement the primary diet. if someone feel inferior by home made baby food or on the contrary if someone feel superior by feeding their baby with jars 'god help them'.