How do you politely get your in-laws to butt out when it comes to parenting your child?

Here's the situation. My husband and I are very close to his grandmother. She lives alone, and we visit her often. The problem is she is kind of paranoid when it comes to our daughter. It's annoying to have answer the same old questions over and over..';When will her teeth come in?'; (My baby is 7 months. She has been asking us since she was 4 months old) Is she sick? (After my daughter sneezes once at her house. His grandmother smokes in her garage which may be the problem, but I don't want to be rude and bring this up.) And, countless other things. Sometimes it seems like she is putting down our parenting skills.





How do I tell her to butt out in a nice way. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to blow up on her, and I don't want that to happen.How do you politely get your in-laws to butt out when it comes to parenting your child?
There is no nice way. You either put up with it, or you tell her. There is no inbetween.How do you politely get your in-laws to butt out when it comes to parenting your child?
This is your husband's grandmother! Just humor her. When she asks about your daughter's teeth, tell her they'll be in soon and that you're waiting also. When she asks about the sneezing, I would tell her that your daughter can smell cigarette smoke and it bothers her, but only if you and your husband don't smoke. She doesn't seem to be putting down your parenting skills, only trying to be involved because she loves the child. As a parent, you have no control over when teeth come in, etc.





When I was first married, we went to visit his mother. She looked at her son and told him how pale he looked and was I cooking for him!! LOL
As a parent myself i had the same situation. And i tried it ALL, being poilte, being rude, everything...the ONLY solution i found is to just answer the questions....when is she gonna get teeth...hopefully soon...is she sick....well lets see......you know all the answers already...and its easier then holding it in and blowing up....and the smoking thing....as a smoker i can understand your concern. Yet even though i smoke, it is no where near my kids, not in the house/car/garage etc...and i refuse to allow anyone to smoke around them. The eaiest way to deal with that is being upfront...just ask as nice as poss.....';i know this is your house, but i would really appreciate it if you would wait to smoke till after we left'; and so on.....its always worked for me.....hope that helps
Sit her down and tell her that while you appreciate her concern and that her opinions are valued, you feel that you need to raise your own children. Explain to her that you feel that she over steps her bounds. Be super polite. She should understand and if not she will come around.
maybe she is always asking because her memory is bad? parents and grandparents often think they have all the knowledge when it comes to raising children, so just take anything she says with a grain of salt. it's probably not worth upsetting her and jeopardising a good relationship you all have. as for the smoking, if she is only smoking in the garage and not in the house, i don't think there is much harm it can do unless the baby is in the same room with her while she's smoking. make sure the baby isn't around her when she smokes
If you find out could you let me know??? lol I had my in-laws for a visit for my son't first b-day and they have drove me nuts all weekend. First they swore up and down he was teething, because he got a little cranky in the afternoon (he hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and they got him up at 6 am when he doesn't usually get up until 7-7:30 and yes it makes a huge difference) then if he wakes up at night, rather than let him go back to sleep on his own they ran in there to check on him because they thought something was wrong so now he is waking up 3-4 times a night and not sleeping through the night like he was because he knows if he cries they will come in there. And I just let him go stay 2 weeks with them because my husband is gone to Iraq and I am pregnant with our second so I need a little break, but I am scared because I am pretty sure that I am going to have to start from scratch with him and his sleeping habits. Geesh. So like I said you find out you let me know please !!!!
maybe she is just asking these things to see if you will ask her when do most kids teeth come in she just getting old and need to fell needed so maybe you could give her a chance but if you think it overbearing. than tell her to let you have your turn learning to raise children because it is a learning experience.love allyour granparents. they want be around for ever
The best way to tell someone this is to come directly to the point. Tell her that, although you all love her, you want to raise your daughter in your own way, by your own methods. There will be questions that come up and when they do, tell her that you would love her opinions at that time. But until you ask her, you will raise your daughter in your own way.





By the way, have you discussed this with your husband? Hopefully you did. But if you haven't, discuss it with him first. He may have some constructive ideas that won't seemingly hurt as much as being direct. But whatever you both decide, it must be done and the sooner you do it, the less it will hurt her. Hope that this helps some and I do wish you luck.
i know where your coming from . I'm pregnant with my MIL's 1st her son's 1st. I have two older kids 8 and 10. This MIL only had my husband and that was 34 years ago he's a only child. She ask me the STUPIDEST stuff about the baby and the pregnancy. She did not even know you don't put newborns on their belly to sleep ';yes that was recommended 30 years ago!'. I have to EXPLAIN everything to her even Playtex bottles with the liners she had never heard of them. She get so worried because I'm 6 months not HUGE and waddling everywhere. She keeps asking if the baby's healthy if it's big exc why i am not showing...why do i want to breast fed. I'm sure it will be WORSE once the baby's here. I don't have the answers but, MAN it's annoying. I guess they get paranoid.
Umm dont think theres a nice way. i got into a screaming arguement with my mother in law after my daughter was born and i refused to go over there for months afterward. I guess it depends on how your relationship is with your inlaws. I would just tell them very nicely that u appreciate their concern and if you ever have a question and want their opinon you will ask but until then you want to figure the parenting game out on your own! Hope this helps!
if i didnt know better i would think you were talking about my grandmother. my daughter is almost 3 and she acts as though i dont know the first thing about her or raising kids because i dont do things the way she did the best example was she thought i was wrong to put her asleep on her back ';i put all my kids asleep on their stomachs and they didnt die and they didnt have gas' she drives me crazy but really to be respectful to her the only thing i can do is listen to what she has to say and pick from that what i think is a good idea (she does have a lot of those since she raised a bunch of kids herself) and ignore the things i dont and if she persists explain things as they are seen today but then things as far as progress go sometimes i think she is nuts like she says all of her kids were potty trained by a year old but as for your situation i would explain to her that the average time for a baby to start getting teeth is at 6 or 7 months and some take a little longer and it isnt a big deal and if she sneezes just say its allergies which isnt exactly a lie if you expect it may be from the smoke just take her with a grain of salt she probably just wants to be helpful in that wierd grandmotherly kind of way
Is Granny at an age where she'll ask repeated questions to anyone on any topic or is it just your child? I think it is caring of her to leave her own home to smoke to accommodate her granddaughter being there. That takes alot of heart and if I were you, appreciate her for it. She is to old to be changing her ways and it appears that she's making the effort and her curiosity about the teeth and sneezing is her expressing her care and worry for her granddaughter that she loves. She doesn't want to miss a moment. Don't judge her wrongly. If you are a very caring person yourself, you may turn out the same way when your her age and your daughter may be writing yahoo asking advice how to tell you to back off. ( I know it sounds funny but it is true!)


Don't lose your cool, you'll do just fine. Just hang in there and appreciate that you have someone there who cares too.
Most of the time ..........the in laws that butt in are the ones who want to kick their own butt............they wish they were a better parent in their time.............Just let it go................and know they have a problem
dont think of it as putting you down. she's just guiding you every now and then.. of course, the kid is yours and let her see/feel that by having things done your way. you dont need to do everything that she says, you have that option... hope this helps...脺
you need help.





your annoyed by his grandmother for no valid reason, you need to some serios help
You sound like a total female dog. Asking when her teeth come in is like asking a question of concern for your daughter. How can that be a bad think. She probably forgot that 3 months prior she asked the same question. Even if she asks every time, get over it. Its her house and thank god she doesnt smoke in the house. Any child can sneeze around cats, perfume, ect. You cant be over there more than a few hours at a time. My dad smoked 3 packs a day in the winter with the windows up and I am fine! I hate smoke and yell at smokers, but if they are going to take the time to get out of the house then shut your trap. Its a grandma, think of all the wonderful things she does for your child. You cant think she thinks your a bad parent unless you are!
no way to do it. Take it from me, with in-laws, they'll get offended no matter how you say it. They have no problems telling YOU stuff, but if you even think about saying anything to them they get all pouty or personally offended.





So either do it or don't. I do it anyway. My In-laws have control issues. (IE, They believe it is their God Given right to control everyone and everything around them. This is why they have no friends, and are always pissed off at me. hehe.)
At some point you have to let them know that what they are saying is hurtful to you.Let them know how you feel and if that doesn't help,sometimes you have to avoid people even family members altogether unless they can respect your feelings.If you never tell them how you feel nothing will ever change.It's worth a try. Good luck!
just say to them '; I know you are trying to help, and I thankyou for that, but this is my child and I might not have all the awnsers you want or do things your way but I love my child and I will do what I think is the right thing to do for her';


And just know that no matter what she will always have her opion just ask her to respect you and your decsions when it comes to your child.
Just tell her nicely to sit and enjoy the child, let you and your husband worry about the other stuff. Than get her occupied with something else. It's rough because she is probably thinking that this is one of her own. Patience is key word here for you. Good luck!
Keep in mind that the child is part of her family too - be a good sport about it - let her have her say, smile, change the subject and ignore her. Don't be rude, just don't let it get to you...as for the smoking - insist that she not smoke anywhere around the child.
my mother in law does the same thing except she is rude! i hate it!i just flat out tell her that i would like to raise my own child and it upsets me when she does that,also that you appreciate her concern,but you know your baby and how to deal with your own child.there is no really easy way to tell her how you feel so just come right out and say it or it will only get worse and when you do it you will feel SO much better,also do you really think shes considering your feelings by butting in? i would just say i feel bad that you tell us how to care for the baby i feel that you dont think we can Handle it on our own,although i do take what you say into consideration,i would like to deal with it on our own.