Were your parents strict or leanient? How do you feel about the way you were raised? What influence or effect did it have on the way you are with your children?What is your parenting style? Is it the opposite of how your parents raised you or the same? Why?
Mine is the complete opposite. I love my kids unconditionally and you can tell they are happy b/c in every pic they are grinning form ear to ear. They are well mannered and adorable and I get comments everytime I go out and comments to me that I must be doing something right b/c of the way the childrens manners are. That's nice to hear. You can feel so guilty especially coming from a restricted, abusive background like myself. I know I'm doing good parenting, it's reflective in my children.What is your parenting style? Is it the opposite of how your parents raised you or the same? Why?
I am the child of divorced parents. Now at 28, I have 2 kids. I could do anything I wanted,and when I wanted. I got anything I asked for,so you could say I was a spoiled brat. But that's not my fault,when my parents divorced I lived with my dad who was not a model parent from the beginning. When they went their separate ways my father was wanting to be more of a friends rather than a father. In our house hold me,sister, and brother cussed,fought all the time,did whatever we wanted and totally disrespected my dad,but that's the way he wanted it he didn't care. Now with my kids I instilling that I'm the parent and they are to respect me and I will listen to what they have to say,but if I think it's not going to be a good situation they I explained to them why. When I ask for them '; they don't say huh or what? they say ';Yes,mother';. That's the way it goes,plus it helps to that I am still with their father and going to be they will not be kids of divorced parents like myself.
My parenting style is fairly close to how my parents raised me. Times have changed so somethings are different. For example, I wouldn't spank. I think that there are other effective ways to discipline. My parents were ';strict'; meaning that they had rules and enforced them. I was always a good kid, but I also understood that I would get in trouble if I did do something wrong.
The one thing that I want to emphasize to my children (that is a little different from my parents' parenting ideas) is that no matter what they do, I will always love them. No matter how much they get into trouble, they will always be loved. I know that my parents always loved me when I was in trouble, but at the time, it sure seemed like it was far from love. I didn't want to displease them. I have always respected my parents and their parenting ideas.
My parents were very very strict and very very controlling. I was the baby of the family and lets see- my oldest sister got pregnant at 16 so I wasnt allowed to date. My middle sister wrecked 3 cars in 2 months so I wasnt allowed to drive! I was straight A's a cheerleader-majorette and could play 4 different instruments- flute-sax-oboe- and piano! I was punished basically for everything they did wrong! There was never any affection. We had Walmart in our bedrooms by time we were 3 years old but I was 35 before my mother ever told me she loved me. She was dying from cancer! It broke my heart growing up and I coudltn understand what I had done wrong. My son is 17 and he is straight A's and he has a car- and his drivers liscense. He has a job and a steady girlfriend. His curfew on school nights is 10 unless he is at work-and weekends its midnight. I tell him atleast 10 times a day that I love him and we have one night a week just mom and son dinner out so we can talk and catch up on his week. My parents made me fear confrontation with people because it was always NO NO NO when I asked something. I was never allowed to go anywhere- not even spend nite at friends- and it made me a huge homebody which I still am today. My parenting has made my son feel free to express his feelings and thoughts. My son knows he is loved and he knows Iam always there for him. I never ever thought of going to my parents for anything- god forbid! My son is an awesome person and Im sooo proud if the man he has become but Im just as proud of myself for over coming the way I was raised into raising my son in a much healthier and happier home.
Well, I had 3 parents. My mother my father and MY stepfather. All were amicable to each other throughout my childhood. My father had expectations of me but never punished or yelled at me when I broke rules. I simply felt horrible for a while knowing I had let him down. My Stepfather was overly strict and I felt as though I was never doing anything right, so when I rebelled, I rebelled hard. I was made to feel as if I was in the way. My mother was a bit of a doormat almost alwas deferring to my stepfathers judgement even if the punishment seemed to harsh for the crime.
My husband I are both strict but the consequences fit the mistep and our children can spend time with us regardless of the trouble they are in. I was ALWAYS 'banished' to my room, and I spent a great deal of my childhood up feeling like an unwelcome guest in my own house. I will Never, Ever make my own children feel that way.
im a better parent my mother went 2 local shop and did a runner i was 5weeks old so yes i say im better than them
Yikes, i read all the comments and it seems like we are around the ages where harsh punishment was the thing while we were growing up. I got the regular spanking with the hand, which it hurt her more then me, so switched to a brush, a belt then apparently those were not wide enough? so switched to a paddle! By this time i had to pretend it hurt because i was so used to them that it no longer hurt.
I was late one minute coming in from a date and no more dates for a week, or even talk on the phone.
There were no hugs or kisses after a certain age...realized we just did not get along i guess....no visiting friends or inviting friends over to the house because it was too much hassle to deal with mom. I learned to cook, clean, iron, wash and i worked at the age of 16 so i figured i was well prepared to handle things for later years.
The result of all this....after all this teaching by mom was that i was stupid, (dummy actually), would not be able to be on my own , it would be 33 years later that i would move out...her thinking!.(i was ready at 12 to leave!)
Hmmm.....i just kept quite, i waited my time, (18 i could go) and dreamed about what i would do on the weekends when i would be on my own! SLEEP in....!
Now, my daughter is a great child. She listens to me and respects me. I love her so so much....because i have done what i feel is the right way. Not because my mom did not do it to me or for me. I was forgiving her for what she was doing to me and i am sure she had a rough life so i just 'put up' with her ways until it was time to leave. We did have some fun times when i was very young, For some reason, the trouble started really bad when we were around 12 years old...
WE should forgive and go on with our own lives and it helps if you live far far far away from the ';hurt';..(mom).
Hi Kaykay,
My parenting style was influenced by my parents' style both ways. I did some things the same way and some the opposite.
At some stage, however, I realized this was just reactive and observed that it didn't give the desired results with my kids. So I spent some time (with my wife) and redesigned the way I treat my kids.
My kids have always been pretty good, but now they are taking off in all areas of their life. They do well at school without even making an effort, because their emotions are in a flow.
What I'm saying here is that parenting does not have to be the same or the opposite of the previous generation. It can be learned, practiced and continuously improved by observing the results and learning more skills.
For more information, you may want to visit http://www.behappyinlife.com/parentcoaching.php
All the best,
Gal
well I raised my kids differently than my parents. Because it was a different time. Like when I was jounger my parents wouldn't ';spoil'; me like a normal kid. They would say, ';We only went out 3 times a year for dinner! You are so spoiled there is no reason to go out every week or so!'; And would put me to bed early because they went to bed at like 8 at age 12 in their time. But kids usually go to bed around 10:30-11 at that age. So I decided that i thought that was unfair to me so I give different lectures than my parents. Because kids change, and parents are different. But I dont let my kids slide on just anything.
My parents were very controlling.. and they always made me feel like I was never good enough.. So I'll just say that I know how I don't want to raise my daughter. I know I'll make mistakes. But I just want to raise my daughter to have self-respect and believe in herself and love GOD so she can be sucessful and happy and help others. But no matter what she does or doesn't I will love her and believe in her.
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