What do you say to someone who is giving you parenting advice yet they are not parents?

It irritates the crap out of me, I just want to be able to tell them to F off in a polite way.What do you say to someone who is giving you parenting advice yet they are not parents?
';does that work with your kids? Oh right, you don't have kids... well get back to me when you do.';What do you say to someone who is giving you parenting advice yet they are not parents?
I say 'Thanks, I'll think about that'. Just as I do when information comes to me from more experienced sources.





Information %26amp; ideas are not bad or good simply because of their source. Rejecting ideas just because of their source seriously limits your potential to learn %26amp; grow. I try to evaluate advice, information %26amp; ideas based on their merit, not their source.





Think about the variety of parenting ideas presented here on Y!A from experienced parents, some of it directly contradicting the advice from other experienced parents. Experience does not make the advice, ideas or parenting methods good or bad.
Yes but don't be so upset with them unless they are being pushy. Remember if you are the one going to them and telling them about your problems then expect some feed back, sometimes their input is not always wrong. Like other people have said sometime you need an outsiders prospective because you can't always see whats right in front of you. If you open up and tell them about your problems but don't want any advise I suggest you tell them that you just want to vent and don't expect any feedback. SO they will know to keep their mouths shut.





You may get irritated but its very hurtful to be told by a friend ';How do you know, you don't even have kids'; It's hurtful to hear and they could easily tell you to keep it to yourself then.





I am 25 weeks pregnant and I have a best friend that continually tells me '; I'm so happy you are having a baby, now you can finally understand where I am coming from'; Do you know how hurtful and irritating it is for me to hear all the time? It makes me feel like I'm a bad person for not having children earlier and it make me feel like I am a bad person every time I tried to help her out with her problems, It's like a big slap in the face and why? All because I can't relate to her problem... Like I said if it bothers you so much keep it to yourself.
Depends on the advice. I mean, it's just their opinion, they aren't taking over your life and children! Why be threatened by it? Usually, I just smile, nod and ignore it, while occasionally murmuring, ';Oh, now, there's an idea . . .'; Every once in a while, though, they actually DO have a good insight, which parents sometimes lose because they are too close to a situation.





Humorously, you can just remind them that ';no battle plan survives the first encounter with the enemy';!
For one thing, it's advice.. you don't have to appy it. just listen and hold the thought, and then you can decide if you want to take the advice later on.





Secondly, many people are very educated about family relationships and so on. They do not necessarily have to children of their own to understand child and family behavior. For one thing, it may actually help you out to get some advice from somebody who is giving advice based on emotional aspects, and is just a different view of looking at things. For example, my sister has a master's degree in child psychology and family psychology. She has worked with autistic children along with children of different needs. She may in fact have some important suggestions for you.





Again, its just advice... doesn't hurt to listen and not do it.
Depends on the source of their information and how it's delivered to me - down my throat and Superior, or helpful and suggestively. I'm not a diabetic but I'm fluent on type 1 diabetes and give sound advice whenever I can here. I'm pretty sure my opinion is respected in that forum.





If a non-parent is giving me advice based on what worked for their (cousin/mother/friend/whoever) and I've clearly been scratching my head over the same thing, I might benefit from that insight. My ego's not that big that I can't learn anything. On the other hand, if it's a know-it-all that has 2 cents about everything, I probably would limit the time spent with that person anyway.
I was well trained in Psychology and Child Development, had degrees in it, thought I knew it all, and told everyone so. Then I had a kid and realized that I didn't know jack. No training substitutes for actual experience by a long shot. You know absolutely nothing until you are one, teachers included (and thats a whole other species, don't get me started there).





I smile knowingly and ignore them. If they push, I simply say ';I once thought as you did before I had children of my own. I remember those days, so I forgive you. It's the thought that counts, right?';





And you are correct, spending time, even lots of time, with other people's children doesn't come close to parenting. Completely different.





And I think The Guy Whos Right has the best comeback of all. I'm going to use that myself!
Depends. Do they have any experience with actual childcare? Do they know what they are talking about? Plenty of people who don't have their own kids know a lot about parenting, yes from personal experience. If it screams wrong, then just ignore it, but don't assume that just because they don't have their own kids, they don't know what they're talking about.





If they really don't know what they're talking about, and you know that for sure, that's different.





Bottomline, if you don't want their advice, tell them.
I dont think it's a bad thing. Some people have had training and take parenting courses. There's nothing wrong with them giving you advice but don't let them try and push things onto you because they more than likely dont have any experiance. I am not a parent but I give parenting adviced based on the things that I know and thats it.
I would understand they are trying to help, listen, if I agree, take the advice, if I don't, I wouldn't.





I can't run a mile in 4 minutes, but I recognize it when I see it. Sometimes the people farther removed from the situation see more clearly.





If they're being *******, I would simply say ';thank you SO much for your concern'; and remove myself from their presence.
depends on the spirit in which it is given. if your kid is having a temper tantrum and people are giving you dirty looks and telling you to control your child, well, that's different than someone who says, ';it looks like you're having a hard time - can i offer him/her a snack?'; or something like that.





for the most part, keep your cool, but make it clear you're doing your best, thank you. your child is always watching and learning, so you don't want to teach the wrong things!
i see you have met my sister in law.





joking





it bugs me. i asked my sister in law how many kids she had one day and she told me this really bugged me that she raised my husband and their younger brother. first my husband is 20 months younger than her and she didnt raise her youngest brother my husband did while his parents worked he was 12 when the brother was born. she didnt lift a finger,





while i all my life took babysitting child development and other such classes





i told her to try again once she has a baby
I don't think that just because you are a parent and the other person is not automatically makes them wrong. Sometimes an outside observer can see things that you don't.





That being said, I'd just deal with it the way you deal with all unsolicited advise. You can ignore it or say ';Thanks for the input, but I prefer my way.'; Or, you could say, ';What an interesting idea! Let me know how that works out for you!'; Offering unsolicited advise about anything is always very rude.
I feel the same way...almost nothing irritates me more. There's alot to be said about book knowledge, but books cant prepare you for taking care of a sick child in the middle of the night or laying with them in a hospital bed when they are sick with pneumonia...this is just not something that can be read about. Say ';What great advice..when you've done it with your own kids, it will even be better!';
Of course, your a parent you understand. Someone who is giving, or sometimes forcing advice down your throat without the experience of being a parent themselves is CLEARLY lacking maturity. I've run into that many times on these boards, even with a very person who answered this question.
They think because they read it in a book that they are right. Half the time doctors dont know what they are talking about and they went to school for over 8 years. I have a b*tchy side to me, and when people say stupid things, or act stupid I get a look on my face. I try and act nice, and say thanks, but I think the look gives it away.
Why are they giving you advice? Are you going to them with problems? If so, stop it!





If not, and they are just feeling compelled to give you advice, then tell them to mind their own business!





And then, sit back and wait for them to become parents! That will be the sweetest revenge ever!!!!
Yeah I feel you on that. People without kids think they have all the answers and think it is so easy. I HATE it when people without kids try to give me advice on how to discipline or raise my kids. Ugh! I just want to say, ';Here, take them...show me how it's done and I'll be back in a few days';
I say ';thank you'; and then do what makes sense to me ... whether it's following their advice or disregarding it.





There are plenty of parents who have bad advice to give, too (not to mention educators, pediatricians, etc. who may well have good advice).
Most of my son's doctors had no children but they helped me through a tough time and how to cope with Thomas behaviour and showed me things i could do do help him, just because they don't have children doesn't mean they don't know what they are talking about ..
If it's good advice then definately thank them, common knowledge and instinct can often lead to good advice.





If you feel it's not best for you, then just grin and bear it, and do what's best for you. Thank them anyway... Afterall, they're only trying to help?
I would say, oh, I didn't know you had kids, how old are they? Are they boys or girls? Oh, what, you don't have kids? Oh, then you couldn't possibly understand what I am going through.
unless you live in my house you have no idea what my family life is, and while i appreciate your concern please don't offer advice - thank you.
hah i get that all the time. just smile, say thanks for the advice and if you need to, cuss them in your mind not in their face! everyone just wants to help.
Just remember they are taking time to try to care for you, not irritate you.


Just nod your head and say thanks when they are done. It's better to be overcared for the not cared for at all, isn't?
I wouldn't say anything - I would simply ignore them! (unless it was a *medical* expert or so on but amateur child ';psychologists'; can go hang!).
Politely thank them for their opinion but firmly let them know that their opinion is of no value to you, since they have nothing to base their opinions on.
Try deflecting...If the buttinsky says something in this vein, give a vague 'hmmmm' and completely change the subject.
it depends on the advice.
Experience and knowledge are two different things..I would trust the advice of someone who has knowledge in developmental psychology and child rearing, to a un-intelligent mum.





I agree with you to some point, I can usually tell rude judgements from helpful parenting advice...Only rude misinformed judgements get on my nerves not parenting advice *IF* I ask for it. If you don't ask for the advice, tell them you don't want their opinion... since you did not ask for it. Simple.
unless they're a teacher....





I'm not talking about book knowledge. I'm not saying teachers know more than you..but think about how much time they spend with children...and managing their behaviors.