How do you respond to parents who make you feel like you have to defend your parenting decisions?

I know I let a parent get under my skin yesterday. And I should have just walked away when she was basically attacking my choice for something about my child, that I know is right for him. But she did the opposite for her child. And in the future, I will just walk away, instead of getting into a disagreement with her. Just curious what other parents do in situations where you feel verbally attacked by other parents. How do you respond to parents who make you feel like you have to defend your parenting decisions?
I am very stern and hard to keep anything in when things like this happen. I would say something like ';I appreciate your point of view and your thought on this but I chose another route based on what I thought was good for my child.'; You can even let them know by just mentioning it in passing in the conversation. They will think about it later.





How do you respond to parents who make you feel like you have to defend your parenting decisions?
ok, no one can make you feel like you have to defend your decisions. no one can make you feel attacked. your feelings were your own internal responses to what the person said. they have different values. you can learn to respond with empathy and compassion. You can realize they are just saying it because they have the well being ofyour child in mind. you can smile and understand their viewpoint. i recommend marshall rosenberg's book ';nonviolent communication'; because it helps you learn to respond graciously instead of defensively. of course it doesn't mean changing your decision. it just means understanding that others have a different point of view on how to best do things. walking away can leave you with anger and resentment. sometimes it's hard to let it go. if you walk away, be sure to do your own internal processing work so you don't carry any anger with you away from it.
I haven't came across a parent telling me about decisions...I have a cousin who is 26, no kids and she thinks she knows everything there is to know about parenting. BTW she lives with me. She always make a little comments to me...and I blow them off, and then her sister...who is my age 28, and has three kids, told me that her sister was talking about her and I and the way we raise our children. That pissed me off to the point I finally said something to her. I told her to mind her own business, she doesn't have any children, so she doesn't know anything about raising children, I also told her she doesn't like the way I do things in my own home, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if she decided to leave. I got an apology out of her, and she still lives with me. The fact of the matter is, you can tolerate things for so long until you blow up. The other parent had the nerve to say something to you, without thinking of how it would make you feel, so what is the harm of defending yourself?
I told my parents that if they cannot support what I do, than to just say nothing. I also told them that when they cause me to second guess me in front of my kids, that is them undermining me in front of my children. I also told them that this type of behavior only pushes me (with my kids) away and if they want to be a big part of our lives, that they will need to stop this. The more they undermine their grandchildren's parents, the less those grandchildren will be in their lives. Not as a matter of playing games, but because the children deserve better, and so do the parents (you!)
thank you for your advice i will take it under advisement


that is what my mother always told me to say to know it alls lol it really works too





only you can make you feel like you need to defend your parenting, maybe say that you are making me feel like i need to defend myself and i will not so lets agree to disagree
Its REALLY hard for me as well. I've only gotten into one ';confrontation'; face-to-face with a friend. We argued back and forth for a few minutes, but I finally just said, ';You do what's right for your kids and I'll do what's right for my kids.'; and it seemed to work. She still to this day doesn't agree with my view on the topic, but she's just accepted that we are going to disagree. Walking away is always best though.
i just remind them that my metal music listening, mohawk wearing, lord of the rings watching, 5 year old just made the honor roll in school and has tied his shoes since he was 4, and is the most caring kid most people have ever seen......then i say, i must be doing something right......and walk away with a smile.
Tell her that you make the best choices possible for your child and that she should do the same for hers. Or, if you want to be nicer, tell her that no two children are the same, and you make the best choices for your child based on who he is and what his needs are.
HAHA, like on this site? I ignore. Laugh about it and move on.





Well, in public, I would recognize that the discussion is going nowhere. I made my point and I'd end the discussion.
It sounds like you already understand that you let her get under your skin and your solution for next time sounds good too.


You could also invite them for a nice cup of 'shut the ____ up'.
My kid, my choices. Walk a mile in my shoes. Get lost.





I have been lucky... those that know me, respect and encourage my choices or tactfully suggest they can help rather than telling me to relax and change my reactions.





As for strangers... too many people are irritated that a baby cries, and want to come over and tell the mother ';he must be hungry/cold/tired/whatever';. Ummm thanks for added pressure, WE know our kid is loud, back off and let us deal with not spoiling them when what YOU don't know is, they are squalling for an extra chocolate when they just finished a donut, or are indignant that you put them down when they bit you, or something.





On the other hand, I once had a woman interfere when I told my son no as we were leaving a store... I had bought him a treat and a book, he spotted a small toy and I said no, you already have enough. And she started declaring he was so cute, let him have it... I said, no thank you. She grabbed the toy, pushed it at the cashier and declared loudly that she would get it for him. Again, I said, thank you, but no. She was speaking loudly, seeking attention and support from other customers, insisting that she would make sure this cute kid got his toy. I felt like she was condescending that I probably could not afford the toy. I had made a parenting decision not to spoil him, and she was both embarassing me in front of other adults, and much more offensively, giving my son mixed signals, getting his hopes up, and undermining me. I did NOT feel the need to defend myself by explaining he had already had several ';Yesses'; before this ';No';. I just left, but was truly angered.





Just carry on doing the right thing, only you have the full picture. I never once stopped to argue with any of that. My child is my focus. End of story.